


Conversations with Clex

by AttackPlatypus



Category: Professional Wrestling, WWE
Genre: F/F, Interview show, Other, mockumentary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AttackPlatypus/pseuds/AttackPlatypus
Summary: The first installment of the Ao3's premier character interview show: "Conversations with Clex"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clexasaloha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexasaloha/gifts).



*Intro Music Plays as the camera opens on Clex sitting at a table with a white tablecloth, the scene behind her is dark wood and candlelight, Clex is dressed as a news professional with her hair in a bun*

 

Clex: Welcome to Conversations with Clex!’. Hello, I’m your host ClexasAloha and tonight we have a very special edition of the show coming to you live from Las Vegas. We’ll be joined by-

 

*Clex interrupted by a loud clanking sound and rattling sound*

 

Clex: *Composing herself* Tonight We’ll be joined by-

 

*More clanking, now with muttered cursing in an Irish accent*

 

Clex: We-

 

*Louder clanking and more swearing*

 

Clex: *Looks off-screen with pursed lips for several seconds* Umm excuse me Ms. Lynch is there something we can help you with?

 

*Camera pans over to show Becky Lynch climbing the restaurant’s wine rack and checking each bottle she comes across*

 

Becky: *Calls over her shoulder* You’re buying tonight right?

 

Clex: *Looks taken aback for a moment* Uh yes I think....I think we can- oh boy 

 

*Camera shifts to show Becky tossing several wine bottles down into the booth below her* 

 

Clex: Maybe we hold off any more wine Ms. Lynch?

 

Becky: You’re absolutely right! 

 

*Becky drops down off the wine rack and gathers the bottles up into her arms, walks over to the table with Clex and dumps them onto its surface*

 

Becky: I’ll be right back darling!

 

*Camera follows as Becky walks over to the bar and moves to walk behind it, a bartender moves to block her wat*

 

Bartender: Ma’am you can’t be back here- ooof *he falls as Becky headbutts him*

 

Clex: *Off camera* Oh my god…

 

Becky: *Shouting from over at the bar* I’ll be right over! *starts selecting bottles from shelves behind the bar*

 

*Camera pans back to Clex who is looking thoroughly non-plussed*

 

Clex: *Closes her eyes and sighs* Okay….*turns back to camera* Our guest tonight is Becky Lynch, a famous figure in Las Vegas due to her involvement with-

 

Becky: *Shouting from off camera* Badass!

 

Clex: *Closing her eyes briefly before continuing* -famous for her involvement with-

 

Becky: *Shouting from off camera* Say I’m a badass you twit!

 

Clex: *Shouting* I AM TRYING TO- *pauses and takes a deep breath* I am trying to do my job here Ms. Lynch

 

*Camera turns to follow Becky Lynch as she makes her way back over to the table and deposits two more bottles*

 

Becky: Easy there Moana, no need to get so bloody testy with your guest *drops heavily down into her chair and promptly puts her boots up on the table*

 

Clex: *Still facing the camera* We’ll be talking to Becky Lynch tonight, Ms. Lynch would you like something to eat?

 

Becky: *Holds up a finger while drinking directly from a wine bottle for several seconds before lowering it and muttering* I”m watching me figure

 

Clex: *Narrowing her eyes in confusion* I see...well then we’ll get right to the interview then- *cuts off as Becky burps loudly*

 

Becky: *Looking over at Clex expectantly* Well? Are we doing this or not? You only have me until the alcohol runs out

 

Clex: OK then, Ms. Lynch where are you from?

 

Becky: *Not looking up as she pours wine from two bottles into one glass* Doesn’t the accent give it away? I’m Chinese

 

Clex: *Narrowing her eyes* Ms. Lynch can we-

 

Becky: *Interrupting* Look Flex-

 

Clex: *Interrupting* CLEX

 

Becky: That’s what I said, Flex, anyway I’m going to leave as soon as I’m drunk enough to make my evening interesting so if you have any REAL questions to ask you might want to lead with them

 

Clex: *Looking angry as she tears up several notecards* FINE!...when are you FINALLY going to sleep with Charlotte Flair? We’ve all been waiting for over twenty chapters for you two to FINALLY get over this ‘will they-won’t they’ bullshit!

 

Becky: *Taking another long slow drink from her glass, clearly to annoy Clex* What makes you think I even like the ladies like that?

 

Clex: Don’t you?

 

Becky: *Winking over her glass* Care to find out?

 

Clex: *Covering her face with her hands and speaking through them* Look...can you just answer the questions?

 

Becky: *Finishing her glass* Maybe *jumps in her seat as Clex slams her hands on the table*

 

Clex: LISTEN HERE YOU RED HEADED CHORE OF A WOMAN! I CAME HERE TO DO MY JOB AND YOU’RE BEING IMPOSSIBLE! I’M BUYING YOUR DAMNED BOOZE SO THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS ANSWER MY *extended censor bleep* QUESTIONS!

 

Becky: *Leaning back in her chair with a surprised expression the slowly turns into an angry one* Say that again *draws one of her pistols and sets it on the tabletop*   
  


Clex: *Rolling her eyes* Oh go ahead! Shoot me if you want, nothing could be worse than having to deal with you!

 

*Both women glare at each other for several moments*

 

Becky: *Finally looking away as she drinks more wine* Well there’s no need to get upset Tex-Mex-

 

Clex: CLEX!!!!!!!!!!

 

Becky: See that’s what I’m talking about T-Rex, you need to relax *picks up one her bottles and tosses it across the table* you drink with me and I’ll answer your questions.

 

*Clex catches the bottle and looks down at it for a while*

 

*On-screen text: 10 Minutes later*

 

Clex: *Now sitting next to Becky with her hair out of it’s bun and her jacket off* No no no...but seriously...you...you and Charlotte...no no listen...you and Charrrrrrrrrrlotte are PERFECT for each other

 

Becky: *Leaning back in her chair* She’s a *extended censor bleep*

 

Clex: *Giggling* I know…*snorts* thasssssss why you’re perfect together!

 

Becky: *Frowning drunkenly* Heyyyyyy thasss not nice!

 

Clex: *laughing* Neither are you!

 

Becky: *Frowns as she thinks about this for awhile before shrugging* I’ll drink to that *clinks her bottle with Clex’s*

 

Clex: Ke Aloha!

 

*On-screen text: 5 minutes later*

 

Becky: *Swaying visibly in her seat* No no no nooooooooooo what are you talking about Chex mix? MERIDA….is CLEARLYYYYYYY...the best Disney princess!

 

Clex: *Leaning heavily on her bottle* You areeeeee sooooooooooooooo wrong...it’s Moana! Besides you’re….you’re….you’re not even Scottish….

 

Becky: You’re not...not….that thing…

 

*On-screen text: 2 minutes later*

 

*Both Becky and Clex and laughing heartily and leaning on each other, both are struggling to breathe*

 

*On-screen text: 5 minutes later*

 

*Both singing simultaneously*

 

Clex: Mele kalikimaka...

 

Becky: Hey hey...cheeky….pocket....

 

*On-screen text: 2 minutes later*

 

*Both Becky and Clex dancing wildly to Becky’s WWE entrance music*

 

*On-screen text: 20 minutes later*

 

*Camera shows an absolutely trashed restaurant with the table in total disarray, Becky is the background throwing her knives at a painting*

 

Becky: *In the background* You arennnnnnnnnt better than meeeeeeeee

 

Clex: *In the foreground slurring* My name issss Clex! *hiccups loudly* and thissssssssss has been Con….con….converrrrrrrrrrsationssssssss with *hiccups* with me! And we learned nothinggggggggggggggggggggg tonight about Becky Lynch...excepttttttt that we’re besties now-

 

Becky: *In the background* DAMNED RIGHT!

 

Clex: *Slurring and smiling drunkely* and thatsssssssssssssss all that matters! *pauses and looks off camera and scratches her head before looking back at the camera in surprise* ohhhhhh yeah thassssss thassssss thats the show….byeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

*On-screen text: 10 minutes later*

 

*Becky and Clex are both sleeping on the table*

  
  



	2. Conversations with Clex: II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clex has comments about Becky choosing Charlotte for Survivor series.

**Setting: WWE Creative team writer’s room 11/13/18**

 

**_*Writers sitting around the table talking when the door bursts open and Clex storms in*_ **

 

Clex: NO NO NO NO! What did you all do?!

 

Writer #1: Uh-

 

Clex:  **_*Holds up a hand*_ ** ZIP IT! I clearly wrote the Charlotte-Becky interaction like this!  **_*Lifts sheet of paper and reads_ ** ***** Becky, I’m just a girl, standing in front of another girl, asking her, to fight for me, and THEN to choose me. Then Charlotte is supposed to tear up, nod, and then they KISS! What the hell did I just see out there? It was all written down for you!

 

Writer #2: You can’t ALWAYS pitch them kissing! We shot it down already! It’s the PG era!

 

Clex:  **_*throws her hands in the air*_ ** Oh here we go with that again, can’t you think of some NEW justification for being LAME!

 

*Room falls quiet for a few moments*

 

Writer #3: More important question….who are you You burst in here EVERY week! Who keeps letting you in?

 

**_*All eyes turn to Clex as she looks around*_ **

  
Clex: Ummm… **_*runs forward and scatters the papers on the tabletop*_ ** SNEAK ATTACK!  ***** **_sprints out of the room*_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I saw this happen on Smackdown this whole ficlet popped fully formed into my head. I was just like: "this is such a Clex situation!"
> 
> You rock Clex


	3. Chapter 3: Long Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ao3's #1 Interviewer sits down with the ladies from BadGoose's "Long Nights"

*Clex sitting across from three chairs, two occupied by Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks*

 

*Intro Music plays*

 

**Clex:** Hello everyone and welcome back to Ao3’s only universe hopping talk show, Conversation’s with Clex! Today we’re speaking with two hot young WWE prospects, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks.

 

**Becky:** Universe hopping?

 

**Sasha:** Ao3?

 

**Clex:** * _ Quickly*  _ Don’t even worry about it, *smiles broadly* are you both nice and cozy over there?

 

**Becky:** _ *looks down at her chair*  _ Umm actually...our chairs are really close together.

 

**Sasha:** * _ Trying to shift her chair*  _ Yeah, and they seem to be bolted down? I can’t even sit without touching her.

 

**Clex:** * _ Muttering*  _ Yeah that’s...that’s too bad  _ *Normal voice*  _ So let’s get started shall we? 

 

* _ Clex cuts off as the sound of a door opening and closing followed by hurrying feet interrupts her* _

 

**Charlotte:** _ *Off Camera*  _ Hey sorry! Sorry! I somehow got the wrong address for the interview but I’m here! * _ Steps into the frame and sits in the final chair, which is set several feet away from the other two* _

 

**Clex:** * _ Pursing her lips in annoyance*  _ Oh yeah...that’s weird that that happened...ummm hang on I’m going to go figure out what went on...* _ stands up and walks off camera for a few seconds, her mic still on as she whispers harshly*  _ Hey! Yes, you! I told you to give her the wrong place AND date to be safe. But if you were going to do only one why would you pick place? That’s the easiest one to fix!...no, NO!  Don’t want any of your excuses! * _ Sounds of hurrying feet before Clex re-enters the frame and sits again and speaks dryly*  _ Heyyyyy look, everyone, Charlotte is here...hooray…

 

**Sasha:** * _ Looking at Charlotte from beside Becky*  _ Thanks for being on time

 

**Clex:** Yeah!

 

**Charlotte:** What the hell? I got the wrong info.

 

**Becky:** Hey, it’s fine! We’re all here now so we can just do the interview right?  _ *smiles weakly at Sasha and Charlotte* _

 

**Clex:** * _ Muttering quickly*  _ Some people find solutions rather than pointing out problems  _ *Speaking normally*  _ Now that EVERYONE is here-

 

**Becky:** Wait what about Bayley-

 

**Clex:** *Speaking louder* EVERYONE...IS...HERE  _ *Speaks normally*  _ Now I thought we’d start with something fun sooooo * _ Waves a hand and two production assistants step into the frame hand a table to Sasha and Charlotte* _

 

**Becky:** Uh was I supposed to get one?

 

**Clex:** Ohhhh weird, we don’t have enough. Well, I guess you’ll just have to share with Sasha, get nice and close now! 

 

_ *Charlotte glowers at Clex and then Sasha* _

 

**Clex:** So if you just turn the screens on we’ve some videos loaded up for you, you just watch them and we’ll get your reactions in a second. 

 

_ *Becky, Sasha, and Charlotte all put on headphones and watch the screens as Clex waits, after a few minutes they take them off and look up at Clex* _

 

**Becky:** That was adorable! Cutest proposal video ever!

 

**Sasha:** *Looking bemused* I mean..yeah not really my thing but they looked really happy?

 

**Clex:** *Clapping her hand once as she points at Sasha* YES! Yes, they do don’t they? I bet EVERYONE wishes they could be that happy right?

 

**Sasha:** Uh-

 

**Charlotte:** Was I supposed to be watching the same video? Because mine was just showing clips of a bulldozer destroying houses. 

 

**Clex:** * _ Looking over her shoulder at Charlotte quickly*  _ Yeah...it’s a real shame what home wrecking can do isn’t it?

 

**Charlotte:** What?

 

**Clex:** Moving on now that Charlotte is done interrupting-

 

**Charlotte:** Hey! I-

 

**Clex:** Oh my god, you did it again! 

 

* _ Charlotte folds her arms and fumes silently* _

 

**Clex: *** Smiles again at the camera and waves at the tablets* Now we’ll get to our next little game!

 

**Becky:** Don’t you want to ask us about wrestling?

 

**Clex:** Oh of course! We’ll get to that * _ Mutters*  _ if there’s time * _ Speaking normally*  _ So we’re going to hand you some magazines now and again you just give me your reactions!

 

**Sasha:** * _ Frowns at the magazine she and Becky are given*  _ A bridal magazine?

 

**Clex:** Oh yeah, it’s just a fun game. Who doesn’t like to leaf through them occasionally right? So if you and Becky wanted to look at pages 18, 44, 71, 99, and 117 or whatever that would be great.

 

**Becky:** This is a weird interview

 

**Clex:** Whatttttttt? How? All interviews are like this!

 

**Charlotte:** I’m pretty sure they aren’t….

 

**Clex:** Just read your magazine OK? 

 

**Charlotte:** _ *Glares at Clex but opens her magazine* _

 

**Becky:** These are really cute though Boss- errr I mean Sasha

 

**Sasha:** _ *Elbows Becky once before nodding as Charlotte looks on suspiciously* _

 

_ *A few minutes pass* _

 

**Clex:** So ladies, what did you think?

 

**Sasha:** Uh...it was cute? I’m not getting married soon but-

 

**Clex:** _ *Interrupting*  _ Are you psychic?

 

**Sasha:** What?

 

**Clex:** Are...you...psychic?

 

**Sasha:** Umm...no?

 

**Clex:** * _ Almost shouting*  _ THEN YOU- * _ pauses and lowers her voice*  _ then you don’t know that you won’t be getting married do you, Sasha?

 

**Sasha:** I guess? Are we ever going to talk about wrestling?

 

**Charlotte:** * _ Roles her eyes and mutters*  _ Like you’d know anything about that

 

**Sasha:** * _ Half standing*  _ More than enough to beat your ass sweetie!

 

**Becky:** * _ Standing*  _ OK both of you just calm down! 

 

* _ Sasha and Charlotte glare at each other before Charlotte sits down moodily* _

 

**Charlotte:** I’m sorry Becks-

 

**Clex:** Hey, lets’ try to keep it professional OK Charlotte?

 

**Sasha:** * _ Putting a hand on Becky’s shoulder*  _ Yeah, I’m sorry Becks

 

**Clex:** Awww that’s so cute that you have a pet name for her.

 

**Becky and Sasha:** What?

 

**Clex:** What?

 

**Charlotte:** I think you gave me the wrong magazine, mine is about travel? 

 

**Clex:** Really? That’s odd but I mean...look at all the cool places you could go...that aren’t here * _ stares at Charlotte significantly* _

 

**Becky:** Look, we were told this would be about wrestling so can we please just get to that now?

 

**Clex:** Oh yeah, sure sure. We just need to get through the newlywed- I mean….newly ‘friend’ game first.

 

**Sasha:** *Standing* OK we’re leaving come on Becky

 

_ *All three guests stand and begin to walk toward the exit, Sasha with an arm around Becky* _

 

**Clex:** Oh Okay this a is a good stopping point anyway, I’ll be in touch to schedule another one! How about tomorrow? Oh wait, Charlotte I meant in like three days! But, Becky and Sasha I’ll call you!

 

**Becky:** *Shouting over her shoulder* please don’t!

 

 **Clex:** _*Calling after her*_ Haha you’re such a joker Becky! Just remember the magazine!

 

* _ Door slams* _

 

**Clex:** *sighs heavily*

 

* _ Another door opens* _

 

**Bayley:** _ *Off Camera*  _ Hello? Sorry I’m late, I got the wrong address

 

**Clex:** _ *Turns to look at someone off camera* _ Really?! * _ Walks off frame* _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been wanting to write this one for a while, but it kind of came into my head fully formed recently. 
> 
> As for the next one...could it be...Savage?


	4. Chapter 4: RileySavage7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clex sits down with Ao3 phenomenon RileySavage7

*Intro music plays*

 

**Clex:** *Smiling at the camera* Hello everyone and welcome back to Ao3’s TOP universe hopping talk show ‘Conversations with Clex’! Today we’re joined by the one and only RileySavage7!

 

*Music plays as Riley walks out to join Clex*

 

**Riley:** *Takes a seat opposite Clex* Hello Clex! Thanks so much for having me on your show!

 

**Clex:** No problem, so should we just get right to it then?

 

**Riley:** Yeah let’s do- 

 

*Riley is interrupted by loud music, Carmella’s ‘Dance Break’ music begins to blare*

 

**Clex:** Oops alright, come on Riley stand up!

 

**Riley:** *Looking confused* Wait what?

 

**Clex:** *Waving her arms* Come on girl! Stand up! It’s a *cups hands around her mouth* Dance Breakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

 

**Riley:** I-...uh...ok? *stands up slowly*

 

**Clex:** Come on! Dance! *starts flossing*

 

**Riley:** *Begins to dance awkwardly*

 

*Music abruptly cuts off and Clex sits quickly*

 

**Clex:** Alright, let's get back to the questions shall we? 

 

**Riley:** *Looks around* Ummm OK, are done dancing?

 

**Clex:** Do you hear music?

 

**Riley:** No-

 

**Clex:** Alright so, to start out *Riley sits* what is your favorite Horsewomen ship and why should it really be Becksha?

 

**Riley:** What?

 

**Clex:** When you describe CharLynch ship fics would use the word ‘pointless’ or just ‘lame’?

 

**Riley:** Hang on! I-

 

*Interrupted again by Carmella’s dance break music*

 

**Clex:** *Cups her hands around her mouth* Danceeeeeeeeeee breakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk *starts aggressively flossing*

 

**Riley:** Wait didn’t we just do one?

 

**Clex:** *Spinning in a circle* Yep! But you never know when a dance break might break out! Come on Riley! Get up and dance!

 

**Riley:** Well...Okay…*stands up*

 

*Dance break continues for several moments before the music cuts off*

 

**Clex:** *Sitting down and brushing her hair out of her face* Phew! That was intense

 

**Riley:** Yeah, but I liked it. 

 

**Clex:** *Clears her throat and settles in her chair* Now, you’re usually a ficlet writer but you have dabbled in long form. Which format do you prefer?

 

**Riley:** You know I usually-

 

*Dance break music starts playing again*

 

**Riley:** _ uqinisile?! _

 

**Clex:** *Looking off camera* Yeah...guys can we? No? Okay well...I guess *stands up*

 

**Riley:** _ Dit is so dom  _ can this be the last one, please? 

 

**Clex:** *Already flossing again* Yeah I think it should be right?

 

**Riley:** Definitely *Begins Stylin and Profilin*

 

*Two minutes later*

 

**Riley:** *Still dancing* This one is really lasting a long time

 

**Clex:** *Flossing but looking tired now* Yeah...let me *taps her earpiece* Oh...ohhhhh

 

**Riley:** What?!

 

**Clex:** Seems like the play button is stuck so we’ll just need to dance it out I guess

 

**Riley:** What?!

 

**Clex:** Hey don’t bark at me! I don’t make the rules I just follow them! 

 

**Riley:** *Stops dancing for a moment* We could just...NOT dance-

 

**Clex:** *Growls loudly*

 

**Riley:** OK! OK! *Starts dancing again*

 

*40 minutes later, music still playing*

 

**Riley:** *Still stylin and proflin but doing it very slowly* I’m soooooooooooo tired *sobs softly*

 

**Clex:** I know!!!!!!!!!!! *flossing but and sobbing at the same time*

 

**Riley:** Why would you make a song file this long?!!!!!!!

 

**Clex:** I don’t know?!!!

 

*One hour later, Music still playing*

 

*Camera pans down to see Clex and Riley both sleeping on the floor, a door opens nearby followed by some footfalls, a few moments later the music finally stops, the camera pans over and moves to show BadGoose sitting at an audio board*

 

**BadGoose:** *Takes a bite from burrito before looking over the board at where Riley and Clex are passed out* Wow…*takes a bite* I probably shouldn’t have just left this on

 

*End credits begin to play*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to get both these amazing ladies into a story for a long time now and I finally had the inspiration! 
> 
> Is BadGoose's presence foreshadowing?


	5. Chapter 5: Cooked Goose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations with Clex takes a dark turn as she has a word with her favorite author about some suggestions she has.

Bad Goose was floating, drifting through a warm mist toward his heart's desire.

 

“Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooosseeeeeeeeeee,” the burrito with angel’s wings called to him.

 

“I’m here!” he shouted, his voice echoing strangely.

 

“Goooooooooosseeeeeeeee,” the burrito called again, but more faintly now as its wings began to flap serenely.

 

“No! I’m coming!” Goose shouted as the burrito receded further into the distance.

 

“Goose…” the voice said, suddenly whispering but directly into his ear “...I need you to wake up. Also...phrasing.”

 

Bad Goose opened his eyes slowly, his vision blurred as he looked around as he tried to gain his bearings. He tried to lift his hands to his eyes but suddenly found they wouldn’t move. Looking down he was startled to see they were duct taped to a chair.

 

“What the hell?” he asked as he tried to shake and pull his hands free to no avail. It was then that he heard the voices. Two voices, whispering in the darkness around him.

 

“Do I come in now?” the first one asked.

 

“No, you gotta wait. This is the part where you let them torture themselves a bit lass. Let them really psyche themselves up. THEN you come in,” another voice answered. This one had an Irish accent.

 

“Umm...I can hear you,” Goose said. The voices stopped at this and silence fell for several moments.

 

“No you can’t,” the first voice said.

 

“There’s no one else here,” the Irish voice said.

 

“Well, that’s just ridiculous…” Goose complained, “...you just ANSWERED me.”

 

“...No, we didn’t.”

 

“Oh my god. Captured by idiots,” Goose muttered.

 

“You know what?!” the first voice shouted before the second cut in.

 

“Well, now you’ve gone and ruined the whole effect!”

 

“Just zip it or I’m not paying you!” the first voice snapped.

 

“FINE!”

 

A moment later two women appeared at the end for the small circle of light cast by a single bulb overhead.

 

“Hello Goose, we haven’t met by name is Clex,” the first woman said.

 

“Clex? Like...the one who reads my stuff?” Goose asked incredulously.

 

“The very same…” Clex said with a smile before nodding to her companion “...and this is-”

 

But Goose jumped in here: “OH MY GOD! You’re Becky Lynch! This is SO COOL!”

 

“Aww that’s sweet darling, you’ve heard of me have you?” Becky asked.

 

“Of course I have! You’re one of my favorite wrestlers ever!” Goose exclaimed, completely forgetting his present predicament. Clex, who did not look amused at this gave Becky a quick signal. With a grin, the Irish woman stepped forward and punched Goose square on the nose.

 

“Oww WHAT THE *eleven seconds of extended censor bleep*.”

 

“I should really clarify that this is LAS VEGAS Becky,” Clex said lightly as she examined her nails.

 

“Yeah...no shit,” Goose muttered through a bloody nose.

 

“Now, Mr. Goose…” Clex said as she pulled a chair forward and sat directly in front of Goose “...we need to talk about your latest chapter of ‘Long Nights’.”

 

“What?” Goose asked thickly. He looked from one woman to the other before demanding: “REALLY? THAT’S what this is about?”

 

“What else?” Clex asked.

 

“But...wait...then why...why are YOU helping her then?...” Goose demanded of Becky “...you’re not even part of that series!”

 

“Eh, she promised to buy me booze,” Becky said with a shrug as she drew one of her knives.

 

“GOD DAMN IT ATTACK!...” Goose growled, “...just HAD to write her as alcoholic didn’t you?!”

 

“Hey! I’m not a damned alcoholic!” Becky said indignantly.

 

“Oh please…” Goose laughed “...you’re drinking in almost EVERY chapter you are in! It’s his most tired cliche by now!” Becky made as though to stab him right then and there but Clex held her back.

 

“WE ARE NOT here to discuss Attack, we’re visiting him next to put an end to this CharLynch nonsense,” Clex said coolly.

 

“No, I’m not,” Becky said quietly.

 

“What?” Clex demanded.

 

“I actually WANT to know if me and Charlie end up together! So until then, I can’t kill him for you!” Becky shot back.

 

“FINE!...” Clex said exasperatedly “...But I’m not giving you any more free food in Las Vegas!”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“WAIT!” Goose shouted. Both women looked at him as he asked Clex: “It’s actually YOU in the Las Vegas fic?”

 

“It’s me in all the fics Goose, it’s called the CLEX-verse. Sheesh, try to keep up!”

 

“Why are you saying that like it’s a normal thing?”

 

“GETTING BACK to the matter at hand…” Clex said firmly “...we need to talk about that last chapter.”

 

“What about it?”

 

Clex sighed and motioned to Becky who stepped forward and slapped Goose hard across the face with a plastic object. Goose blinked for several seconds before looking back at them incredulously. “Did...did you just hit me with a toy dog?” he asked in disbelief.

 

“Yeah!...” Becky answered eagerly “...A toy FEMALE dog to be exact, so...like...you got ‘bitch’ slapped? Get it? Eh? Ehhhhhhhhh?” When no one laughed she folded her arms and looked sulky while saying: “I don’t know why I waste my gifts on you people.”

 

“We’re going to need you to change the ending of the last chapter, in fact, just write it over. I want 30 pages of BeckSha smut by….next Tuesday.”

 

“Th-THIRTY PAGES! No, I’m sorry that’s just unreasonable. I know we’ve kind of spoiled you but you can’t kidnap me and then demand that I-” Goose started to say but Clex gave Becky a nod and moment later she drove her knife through Goose’s right hand drawing a long anguished howl and several minutes of censor bleeps.

 

“GOD *BLEEP* WHAT THE HELL?” Goose shouted as he gaped down at this bleeding hand.

 

“Feeling any more cooperative now? FIFTY PAGES NOW because you weren’t helpful! Twenty of the fluffiest fluff and thirty of the nastiest most messed up smut you can think of! NOW!” Clex said.

 

“Hey, GENIUS!...” Goose shouted “...HOW THE *BLEEP* am I supposed to *BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP* -ing write now?”

 

Clex frowned and turned to look at Becky to ask: “Yeah...how is he supposed to write now?”

 

Becky shrugged: “Beats me? Maybe hire one of those people who types for you?”  


“YOU SAW MY APARTMENT! DO I SEEM LIKE SOMEONE WHO CAN AFFORD A TYPIST?!”

 

Becky shrugged again: “I’d just kidnap one.”

 

“Yeah…” Goose growled through gritted teeth “...And you can only DO THAT because Attack is too *BLEEP* LAZY to write ACTUAL consequences for your actions!”

 

“He totally explains that Flair is making it all go away with the cops!” Becky fired back.

 

“Oh sureeeeeee one line of dialogue is supposed to COMPLETELY suspend disbelief from all the shit you do?! You’re basically a damn superhero in that story!” Goose roared.

 

“HOW am I a superhero?”

 

“YOU CRASHED A GOD DAMN PLANE AND WALKED AWAY WITHOUT A SCRATCH!”

 

“ENOUGH! BECKY! FOCUS!...” Clex shouted before clearing her throat “...Goose, I don’t care how you do it but you WILL give the Becksha ending that I want!”

 

“AND you’ll stop being mean to Perseverance Becky!” Lynch said.

 

“Yeah, that too! Wait what?” Clex asked.

 

“The Becky from Perseverance...she deserves a break,” Becky said with a shrug.

 

“Wait you know her too?” Clex asked.

 

“Yeah, sometimes Attack leaves his docs open so I can write myself into the place. She’s a nice gal and we text occasionally,” Becky said matter of factly.

 

“This raises...SO many questions…” Goose said, forgetting about his wounded hand.

 

“Just get writing!” Clex demanded.

 

“I...CAN’T!”

 

“Alright then, Becky? Do the thing,” Clex said as she stood and took a few steps back.

 

Becky brightened at this as she turned to Clex eagerly. “You mean it? I can try the BIG thing?” she asked.

 

“Yeah...the big one,” Clex said with a nod.

 

“YAY!” Becky squealed as she darted back into the shadows before returning a short time later with a large case.

 

“What is this one called again?” Clex asked curiously as Becky rummaged through it.

 

“I call it the ‘bullet ant condom’” Becky said excitedly.

 

“WHAT?!” Both Clex and Goose demanded. At that moment the lights turned on.

 

“Uh...what hell is going on here? A startled voice with an Irish accent asked from behind them. All three of them turned to see Becky Lynch, Long Night’s Becky Lynch, standing in her apartment’s doorway.

 

“Hey! Becky,” Clex said with a big grin.

 

“Hello, gorgeous,” Las Vegas Becky said as she bit her lip. Long Nights Becky just looked at them for a few moments before sighing.

 

“You know what...after today I don’t even care…” she said as she trudged past them to her room.

 

“Heyyyyyyy Becky, I’m so sorry sweetie! Why don’t I make you some tea OK?” Clex said as she hurried after her. As she went she gave Las Vegas Becky a ‘cutting’ signal across her throat.

 

“Whatever,” she said.

 

“NO WAIT! Wait, wait, wait, wait! BECKY! MY BECKY! HEY! COME BACK! HELP ME!” Goose shouted.

 

“Good night,” Long Night’s Becky called as she closed the door to her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much the moment the latest chapter of "Long Nights" by my good buddy BadGoose came out I knew this had to be written!
> 
> Find that masterpiece here:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15422070/chapters/41749883

**Author's Note:**

> This is a special thanks to my #1 Superfan clexasaloha! Your chronic comments helped make (and still help make) Horsewomen possible! And I bet I can speak for a few other WWE fanfiction writers when I say how Clex-ceptional you are!


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